Understanding Your Aging Parent's Emotional Journey
Things may be tough for you as a caregiver, but think about what your parent is going through.
By contributing writer Elyse Gura, for caring4agingparents.net.
Caring for an aging parent can be an unexpected financial, practical, and emotional challenge. It usually includes the unfamiliar responsibilities of making and managing new living arrangements, finding and managing caregivers, scheduling and attending doctors’ visits, and coordinating with other family members, especially your siblings. And doing it all while still trying to maintain your own personal, family, and work responsibilities.
While you are on this challenging journey, your aging parent is also facing not only many physical (and perhaps cognitive) challenges, but also significant emotional challenges of his or her own. These challenges can be caused by the loss of independence or certain physical capabilities, cognitive decline (perceived or actual), exhaustion from chronic pain and ever-expanding physical issues, isolation, loss of family and friends, depression, grief, and fear of what is yet to come. For those who have previously been independent, productive, active, and caregivers for others, it can be an identity crisis as well. It is difficult for the once vital and active adult to recognize themselves as the aging adult who stares back at them from the mirror each morning -- one who can no longer accomplish familiar tasks they used to perform with ease.
A better understanding of your parent’s emotional journey can help you anticipate and overcome any resistance to necessary lifestyle changes by your parents. It will also enable you to plan time to have meaningful conversations with your parents about their fears and worries. Most of all, it provides time to let your parents know how much they mean to you and how grateful you are to have them in your lives.
Here are some suggestions on how to incorporate meaningful experiences with your parents that will have a lasting impact on both your lives:
Plan for a regular phone call or in-person visit at least once a week. This should not be just available time on the way to or home from an appointment, but a designated time to review, reminisce, and enjoy memories together. It can also be a time when your parent will feel okay expressing their feelings and fears. Focus on reassurance about what they were able to accomplish in the past and the value they continue to provide even now. Focus on the bond between you.
Try not to deny your parents’ expressions of fear or grief. They are real.
Consider engaging a therapist or other provider who specializes in geriatric care. They may use a title such as Geropsychologist (a psychologist with specialized training in the aging process and mental health needs of seniors) or Geriatric Counselor (a professional, but not necessarily a psychotherapist, who is focused on helping older adults build resilience, manage grief, and improve emotional well-being).
Get the support you need. Acknowledge and manage your own feelings of guilt, burnout, sadness, and grief … if not with your parent, then at least with yourself, your family, or a professional counselor. Ask for help from your family and friends when you feel overwhelmed. Consider joining a caregiver support group.
Help your parents to get involved in appropriate social groups, if possible. Participation in physical and creative activities will enable them to experience joy and laughter.
It is very easy to get lost in caring for your parent. You are overwhelmed, anxious, sad, possibly depressed, or even frustrated. You must take care of yourself, but don’t forget that whatever you might be feeling, your parent is experiencing it two-fold. Be sure that everything you do considers your parents’ emotions.