When is it Time To Take Away Your Parent's Credit Cards?

Help Manage Out-of-Control Impulse Purchases

By Kim Brant-Lucich, Co-Author of Survival Guide to Caring for Aging Parents.

During a business trip, while I was still working full-time, I received several notifications about Amazon orders that had been placed. I contacted my husband about them, and, fortunately, they were items he had ordered, not scams. I teased him about a couple of the purchases, and he said, “Wait until you see the inversion table I ordered.” I responded, “Yeah, right,” since I assumed he was joking. Inversion tables are those odd, tall chairs a person lies on, and then flips himself or herself upside down. The benefits include reversing the flow of gravity and stretching the spine, which can be useful for someone experiencing back pain. At the time my husband made the “joke” about the inversion table, he had been having low back issues.

I got home just in time for a visit from my stepdaughter, son-in-law, and grandchildren. The door to my home office was closed and, since I had taken a few days off from work, it would be days before I opened it. When I did, lo and behold, there was an enormous inversion table sitting in the middle of my office. I screamed “WTF” (the actual words), temporarily forgetting that there were young children present. My husband had purchased an inversion table on eBay. He was not joking when he told me about it. I immediately said, “I can’t believe you bought that, Helen.” Helen was his mother’s name. My mother-in-law, Helen, was notorious for purchasing items she saw advertised on television. In fact, she herself had some kind of inversion table, not to mention things like thigh masters and any number of gadgets and useless knick-knacks.

This brings me to the difficult topic of taking away your parents’ credit cards. Once your parent gets to be a certain age, it does become the same as having younger children whose credit card activity has to be monitored. Taking away credit cards is much like taking away car keys. To your parent, it is a loss of independence, and very threatening, especially as they are likely already feeling a loss of control, and an inability to do a variety of things that used to be no-brainers. When it comes to credit cards, of course, you don’t need to remove them entirely, but consider putting controls in place. Adjust the settings for the cards with the bank, so that you receive notifications of any purchases made that are over $0. The bank requires that you specify a minimum amount to trigger a notification; select $0. You can also establish a maximum for any single transaction on the card. In fact, it’s a good idea to put these controls in place for yourself to protect yourself from identity theft. There is nothing worse than seeing that a $99 purchase was made on your card in Michigan, when you reside in Washington, or that a $49 purchase was made online at a site you’ve never heard of. People who steal credit cards typically make smaller, less detectable purchases that add up over time. It’s best to catch those as soon as they occur so that you can cancel cards if necessary. When it comes to your parent, though, put the controls in place so that they cannot make idle purchases for items they don’t need, or “donations” to causes that solicit their support over the telephone. One last caution for you and your parent: many purchases result in “teaser” subscriptions you never intended to sign up for. Perhaps your parent decides to subscribe to a magazine for $5, only to discover that it has triggered an ongoing $35/week charge. If your parent has any form of dementia, you really need to manage this. It is not easy, but it is obligatory.

Finances may not be an issue for your parent. They should be entitled to enjoy items they want and feel they need. The challenge is that, if they are living alone and spending a lot of time in front of the television, the non-stop advertising, with options to dial a phone number to buy the perfect anti-wrinkle cream, often result in an impulse buy, and that’s what you have to help control. Start with a conversation, and persuade your parent to work with you to put in “controls,” for their safety. Allow some time to see how that works and, if their spending gets out of control, take a harder stand. Whatever you do, just be aware that older adults love to get gifts for themselves and others. Don’t deny them that satisfaction. Just moderate and monitor. We discuss the loss of independence in detail in our “Survival Guide to Caring for Aging Parents,” and we also cover finances and legal documents such as Powers of Attorney. It’s important to understand how to help control your parents’ spending and behavior, while also respecting their dignity. Always include them and consider their feelings.