Medical fraud drains tens of billions of dollars from the American healthcare system every year. And despite what many people assume, insurance companies aren’t the only ones paying for it. Premiums go up, and unexpected bills arrive due to medical fraud. In some cases, your actual medical care gets put at risk. This problem is important to understand — because knowing what to look for can save you money, and possibly a lot more than that.

When my mother-in-law received a phone call letting her know that she had won a million dollars from Publishers’ Clearing House, she was elated. She had been regularly mailing in responses to invitations received, and now she had actually won. She was proud of herself for getting rewarded for her efforts. She knew that she would one day be rewarded for all those envelopes she put into the mail whenever Publisher’s Clearinghouse contacted her. 

First, one sibling starts to do more, typically the sibling who lives closest. As time goes by, they begin to do more and more. When multiple siblings live close, it seems to fall to the sibling with the more flexible job, or the historically responsible sibling. No one really talks about it, and it is often too late by the time it is finally discussed. 

You did everything right. You picked a plan during open enrollment. You checked that your doctor and/or hospital was in-network on your plan. You even called ahead to confirm your procedure was covered. And then — weeks later — an envelope arrived that made your stomach drop. Sound familiar? You’re not alone.

It is time to step in and assist an aging parent when you notice consistent changes in their ability to manage daily tasks — bathing, eating, dressing, medications, finances, or mobility — or when you observe meaningful shifts in their cognitive function, mood, emotional well-being, or physical condition. No single sign is definitive. What matters is a pattern of change from how your parent previously functioned.

Even if your parent is not on Medicaid, Medicaid cuts affect everyone. To fully grasp this, it’s important to understand how hospitals and care facilities are funded. While Medicare is regulated federally, Medicaid shares regulation and management between the federal government and the state. When Medicare does not cover all the costs of a facility, Medicaid often offers supplemental reimbursement. Most hospitals accept and rely on Medicare reimbursement, and some depend on Medicaid reimbursement as well. 

When caring for an aging parent, your support team should include a minimum of seven types of support: a legal advisor who specializes in elder law, a CPA or tax advisor familiar with long-term care finances, a coordinated healthcare team, engaged family members, trusted friends, a community support group, and professional caregivers when the time comes. No single person — no matter how capable or devoted — can successfully manage all dimensions of elder care alone.

With my mom’s approval, I installed a camera in her room to monitor visitors and activities. I also provided her with an iPhone and an iPad, which became invaluable tools for communication, connection, monitoring, and entertainment. In addition, I set up a banking application on her phone to access her funds.

Selecting the right living option for an aging parent requires matching your parent’s specific needs — physical, cognitive, financial, and social — to the care setting best equipped to meet them. The options range from in-home care to various types of residential care facilities, and deciding where your parent will live is deeply personal. But with a clear understanding of your parent’s needs and the available options, you can make an informed choice.

Perhaps the most painful disagreements come at the end. End-of-life decisions — whether to pursue aggressive treatment, not try to save the family member when the outcome is hopeless (typically done with a Do Not Resuscitate Order (DNR)), when to consider hospice, what Mom really meant when she said she “didn’t want to be a burden” — these are conversations that cut to the very core of love, loss, and what we believe it means to do right by someone.

When a child feels that they are the only person who can care for their parent and no one else is capable, including a sibling, they are actually doing their parent and siblings a tremendous disservice… I have witnessed this scenario more than once, and it seems that no one wins in these cases, especially the caregiver who sacrifices their health and well-being to care for their aging parent.

As a man, I was raised with traditional notions of masculinity - restraining my emotions, and learning to be a self-starter and self-reliant. However, these traits often hinder men from expressing vulnerability and sharing feelings, making it very difficult to seek help or connect deeply with others.

Aging can be a slow process, until it isn’t. Once your parent or other loved one begins to decline, the rate of the decline can be exponential. One day, they’re going to the theatre, and within months, they are struggling just to get in and out of a car.

As we age, it becomes increasingly more important to maintain a healthy work-life balance. Our bodies are slightly less resilient, and our mental fitness may be declining. There is still time to “turn around” declining health through diet, exercise, and mental stimulation. Here are a few ideas: